This Game Is Crack for French Oenophiles

The 1969 Nor'easter dumps snow on Manhattan.
I gotta get home and play that French wine game!

Gather ’round, fellow obsessive compulsive French wine lovers. This game will help swallow the hours while trapped indoors later this winter during yet another brutal polar vortex.

Think you know French wine regions and corresponding cities? Prepare to have that assertion brutally challenged by this absurdly addictive game (click the button below to access — no mobile phone version as the map wouldn’t be large enough, but there is an app for iPad):

towns_fr_vignobles_exp
CLICK AT YOUR PERIL

It’s simple: drop a pin on each wine-producing city.

You have 15 seconds max per city (which effectively rules out cheating).

Your score depends on both your proximity to the city, AND the speed with which you guess.

No real need to speak French; although if you’re to be sucked into this game, you quite possibly already do.

The greatest/worst thing here? There is completely equal luck of the draw granted between lesser- and well-known regions. This makes the game a challenging pain in the ass — and just pisses you off 3/4 of the way into a game when it throws you eg. Châteaugay, compelling you to yell ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME as you watch your high score wither.

Frustrating or not, it invariably broadens your perspective of French wine and compels you to learn about quirky yet fantastic regions like the Fiefs Vendéens or Pacherenc du Vic-Bilh.  These regions begin to have a perfunctory relation between name and place, and the day you finally stumble upon bottles from these regions you suddenly have an “aha” moment and are more receptive.

Play it for a while, and you’ll soon master at least one pathetic trick to brainlessly drive your score up for at least one region … and you’ll also learn that if you have a firm grip on the geography of the Languedoc and the Loire (both sprawling giants), you have a huge advantage.

Really, though, don’t even bother reading the high scores posted. They’re the perfectly ridiculous product of French people with far too much time on their hands, each driven to crush their adversaires. On that note …

SIR, I CHALLENGE THEE TO A DUEL! *GLOVE SLAP*

For what it’s worth, here’s a recent best:

Screen Shot 2014-11-09 at 11.43.44 PMREJOUEZ is what you click to play again. And trust me, you’ll be clicking that little strumpet of a button. If you’re masochistic and want to compete with the perfectly freakish scores on the website itself, you’ll have to click S’INSCRIRE and provide an email. Oh, and you’ll want to click ‘Plein Ecran’ to go full screen and make the gameplay easier.

Bonne chance!

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