About Me

Me circa 1975, eating dirt, well before I arrived at my current 3 story physical stature. The finest proof I can offer that pica is not dangerous and that I truly like things that taste like dirt.

Here’s an interview I conducted of myself:

Interviewer: So, another stupid, douchey wine blog, huh?

Me: Yeah, I guess I did this because I figured there wasn’t really anything quite like this out there yet, and it’d be fun trying to inject this new tone into the wine community. I want it to be like an academic journal on some level, but profane, raucous, and fun.

Interviewer: Why are you calling wines “gargantuan” when you’re not talking about big wines like Aussie Shiraz or Napa Cabs at all? What are you, stupid? Huh? Huh??

Me: Oh, it’s simple. Because I typically hate those wines, and they play no role in my life. My experience tasting the majority of those wines is tantamount to being raped by some cartoon trio; to wit:

— an angry piece of lumber,

— an industrial, mass-produced anonymous jam, and

— a cheap vodka.

We need to rethink gargantuan. A gargantuan wine is not a big wine, it is a balanced, gourmand wine.  It’s a wine that will pour continuously; a wine that we will drink in case denominations.

Big bruiser boozer wines can not be drunk in a gargantuan manner. Thankfully, we may be exiting the era of their critical reign.

Give me a cold climate, where vines struggle to ripen and aren’t irrigated. Give me those 12.5% or lower ABV wines; give me reasonable oak regimens which don’t mask a delicious earthy, mineral, and unique wine, which can’t be confused with wine from anywhere else…and I’ll show you a gargantuan wine.

Interviewer: Ok. The other day you wrote something TOTALLY wrong. I mean, it was bad. Are you kidding? My God. How could you?! How dare you even write a blog!

Me: Ok, will you please calm down?

I consider myself a student of wine on a blissful, lifelong journey. My experience as a wine buyer, seller, or collector can never suffice when faced with the enormity of “things there are to know about wine”.

I like to drink, laugh, share, question, rant, curse, and hopefully elicit thoughtful discussion.

So, maybe if you put down the knife and take a last look at that baby picture of me eating dirt, we can do all of that together here.

CONTACT

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